all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
