his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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