every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
