Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
