there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
