garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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