Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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