Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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