Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
