I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drake has all the answers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
