clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize