pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
