He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
