remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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