I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
