Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
