thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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