One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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