woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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