Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
