you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
