Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
