$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
