sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
