Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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