I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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