Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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