if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
