I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
