apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's official drugs can't kill me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
