i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
