My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
