she looked like the before picture.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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