Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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