So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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