I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do vagina's smell?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
