R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
