Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
