ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
