you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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