how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bring me that man meat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
