I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
