Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Your cock deserves a montage
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
