So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
