i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
