That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
