You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
