i just google imaged poop.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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