I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This baby is an asshole
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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