okay pat passed out under dana's car
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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