you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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