I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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