Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
