____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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