Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
