i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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