I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
babies were throwing up all over the place
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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