My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
