A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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