Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
