So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
