This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
