We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
