I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
